Irritators

How to deal with people who irritate you?

Think of a person who irritated you recently.

Who is that person? Your colleague, spouse, children, friend, mother-in-law, neighbor or a political leader … who?

How was your state of irritation felt like?

Was it a state of being annoyed, impatient, devastated or being angry? What?

We feel irritated when our expectations are not fulfilled. Expectations such as someone will do something or will not do something.

So, how to deal with people who irritate you?

First, deal with your inner self and establish peace with your expectation.

Second, I encourage you to pause for a moment and give a mental hug to the person who you think had caused your irritation.

Here’s the reason: people who irritate you reveal your limiting beliefs, fears, and false assumptions. They pinpoint you toward the weaknesses that are holding you back in your life.

Let me rephrase it – your ability to get irritated is actually a limitation. The power is within you, not with them. They said or did whatever they had to. You could not handle the situation and felt irritated.

Reflect on what Stephen Covey wrote:

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In those choices lie our growth and our happiness.

Did you utilize the space between stimulus and response and chose to be irritated?

I guess not, am I wrong?

Here’s an idea that will change your life for good: Thank people who irritate you and think about the underlining expectation that was not met. Give them a mental hug.

Your real problem is not the people who irritate you, it is the expectation. Do something to solve that problem. Feeling irritated is a waste of time. It suggests that your control is with other people, not you.

You are so dependent. Choose to be independent first and then interdependent.

Stephen Covey has suggested in his masterpiece, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, that we pass through the stages of dependency, independence, and inter-dependency. When we were the child we were dependent when we become young, we become independent, when we grow in life, we become interdependent.

When we are dependent we think that YOU did wrong things to me.

When we are independent we think that I did whatever I did. I know how to deal with things.

When we are interdependent we think that WE will do something that neither you nor I alone would achieve.

So I ask you to take a step forward and be independent. The first step in becoming independent is to face your fears. To face your fears, you need to assume unconditional ownership of your actions. If you don’t do that, your fears become powerful and hold you back.

Feeling irritated is a personal weakness. The good thing about that is that you have recognized it now so you will do something about it.

Let it go: a tale

Nick, the teenager was undergoing a personal relationship challenge once again.

“I should visit my father and seek some guidance,” he thought to himself. He considered his father to be his friend, philosopher, and guide.

So, he went to his father to take his guidance.

When he reached his father’s home, he found him taking care of newly born kittens.

“I think I can’t manage to have girlfriends. All of them try to escape from me.”

While talking, Nick held up a kitten, which immediately tried to escape.

The more Nick tried to hold it, the more the kitten writhed.

“Just don’t try holding it tight,” the father advised.

Nick followed his father’s advice. He opened his hands and the kitten stopped struggling. Soon, the kitten started playing in Nick’s hands.

“Human beings are no different,” said his father. “If you try to hold onto them by any means, they try to run away. But if you let them go, they will remain forever by your side.