Irritation (un)FAQs

Q: How do I deal with irritation?

A: What do you not like about your irritation?

Q: When I get irritated, I feel annoyed and frustrated. What can I do about it?

A: Why don’t you want to feel annoyed or frustrated?

Q: Because it is wrong.

A: Then, you may not able able to deal with your irritation. Because right or wrong do not carry the necessary power and motivation for an individual.

Q: How so?

A: Consider the following examples:

  • It is proven that smoking is harmful to health. Still, people do it;
  • It is known that having relationships with multiple partners simultaneously do no good for human life. Again, it is seen very frequently;
  • Too much alcohol does no good to human health over the long run, yet, it is consumed a lot;
  • It does not require a Ph.D. to know that keeping yourself dirty sure brings diseases of different kinds. Still, nations need to run programs such as “Swachh Bharat” on cleanliness…

Q: I understand the examples you provided, but I don’t know what to do next?

A: I see.

Q: Don’t you see irritation as a wrong behavior?

A: I don’t see things in terms of right and wrong because right and wrong are social and religious constructs with no real ground in reality.

Q: I am amazed to see your disregard towards society and religion.

A: I have no disregard or regards towards society and religions. I try to see the truth of things.

Q: Still, you live in society. How do you make your life work?

A: Yes, I do live in society. And I am aware of the function of the cultures and religions. Rather than looking at them from the perspective of right and wrong, I look at them from the perspective of cause and effects. Every happening in society is either a cause or an effect. If I need to have a particular outcome, I need to understand what can cause it and take action in that direction.

Q: I am trying to understand it, for it sounds complicated, or at least it is very different. 

A: I appreciate your truthfulness. 

Q: What about irritation?

A: For how long have you considered irritation as wrong?

Q: From as long as I can remember. Almost my whole life.

A: And still, you get irritated?

Q: Unfortunately, yes.

A: Does this make it clear that right and wrong are insufficient concepts to make life work?

Q: I started to understand this point, but I wouldn’t say I like getting irritated. 

A: When do you not like getting irritated?

Q: I didn’t get your question.

A: When do you not like getting irritated? Before, during, or after the irritation?

Q: After the irritation.

A: Now revisit your statement: you mentioned that you do not like getting irritated. Still, the truth is you do not like the state after you have got irritated. 

Q: How is it important? Are you playing with the words?

A: I have no interest in playing with the words. Know that you would not be able to solve something that you don’t have a problem with. 

Q: So, I have a problem with the state which I get after I have felt irritated.

A: Then, you do not have a problem with irritation.

Q: How can I not have a state after I have felt irritated?

A: There isn’t something you can do about it because it is an effect, not the cause. 

Q: Why do I get irritated in the first place?

A: Because you wanted so.

Q: Huh! I really not like to get frustrated.

A: Then, you would not get frustrated.

Q: How can I be the cause of an unwanted feeling like irritation?

A: You are the cause if you wish so. You are not if you choose so.

Q: So, are you saying that I like being irritated?

A: Yes, and no.

Q: Can you enlighten me more?

A: A part of you feels happy when you get irritated. For when you do, you can exercise your right to get irritated. You enjoy this right. For you think that you have been wronged, and thus your irritation is justified. You do not wish to pass up on exercising this right. But, another part of you feels guilty for having been irritated. And this guilt is, to some degree, two-faced. The guilt makes you feel better and morally correct. For if you had felt good about getting irritated, you would have a difficult time accepting yourself. 

Q: And unless I genuinely wish to no longer get irritated, nothing will help. 

A: Yes, this is the truth. 

Q: And if I sincerely did wish to never get irritated, what would I need to understand? 

A: That irritation is not the solution as you think it to be. It is a weapon that you enjoy using to protect your ego and to support it.

Relationships (un)FAQs

Q: What is the best way to loving my partner?

A: To act with an awareness that your partner does not belong to you.

Q: Even if I love her so much?

A: Especially if you love her. 

Q: Then what is the point of being in love?

A: Being in accordance with nature.

Q: Then what is my role on this earth as a human being?

A: You are a proxy of nature on this earth.

Q: Do I not care for my loved one?

A: Care for your loved one in every way. But if you believe that she belongs to you, you will stand in the way of her living. And this obstruction will cost you in ways you can’t even think.

Q: It is tough for me to understand this thinking. 

A: I understand.

Q: Now, let me share this with you: In most of my relationships, I have experienced many problems. Life has been difficult. At times, my behavior was less of human behavior. I have been disrespected. I have lived in a turbulent ride of pain, suffering, guilt, and brief moments of happiness. I thought that such things were the result of being an inadequately raised human. Is it so?

A: Human beings live in a country of misconceptions. 

Q: I see, so, what is my misconception as none of my relationships seem to be working? 

A: Because you allow attachment to take an essential place in your relationship. The truth is that attachment is slavery in the life of humans.

Q: I don’t understand it much, but I see the outcome you are highlighting – that I have been a slave of thinking that my relationships should function in a certain way. 

A: I appreciate your truthfulness. 

Q: Is it possible to live without attachment?

A: It is.

Q: How to live without attachment?

A: By understanding the aftermath of your attachment. Let us further advance your understanding of attachment:

  • Attachment gives birth to hope, need, and fear. 
  • If you feel attached to a particular human being, you’ll need her to do certain things. You’ll want her to achieve some goals, be of a designated kind, and behave toward you in a specific way. 
  • When she does not behave in your desired way, you feel grief and pain. And you behave precisely as someone with such anxiety would behave.
  • A part of her will seek freedom from your attachment, and she will not match your desired behavior.

Q: This is exactly happening. It looks like someone has told you my life story. But I don’t know what actions to take, can you help? 

A: Your action is the visible part. The real foundation lies there in understanding. 

Understand the results of your stimulations. If the results are acceptable to you, you may choose to proceed. If they are not, you may want to examine your stimuli.

Q: What are the real consequences of attachment?

A: The real consequences of your attachments are what you have been living!

Q: If I were not attached to her, my life would be peaceful without the pain and struggle?

A: Yes.

Q: Do you know what you are asking me to do?

A: I did not ask you to do anything. 

Q: It is not possible for me to not be attached to my beloved.

A: I understand.

Q: What you explained looks good, but I am feeling the pain, is there any other way?

A: What do you really want?

Q: Inner peace.

A: The nature of attachments doesn’t have peace as its property.

Q: I am confused. Love, attachment, how do they relate?

A: Most people know attachment in the name of love for love is nothing but the ultimate freedom given to the loved one.

Q: If I have to live with her, without any attachment, what would she feel?

A: She would feel freedom.

Q: Am I responsible for giving freedom to my loved ones?

A: No, you are not. 

Responsibility is a social construct. No human being is responsible for another. 

You do not owe your loved one anything. Your loved one does not owe you anything. 

If you wish to take care of her, take care of her. 

If she wishes to return your care with her attention, let her. 

If she doesn’t, it is okay too. 

What emerges from the heart is natural and satisfying. When you pay attention, you’ll realize that your heart is only capable of producing love. Attachment is the creation of the mind.

The idea of responsibility is demanded, artificial, and produces resentment and expectation for reciprocation. 

Q: So what exactly is the crux of our discussion?

A: The crux of our discussion is that there is no right or wrong. There are only choices and consequences. 

Being attached to your loved one is a choice. It is a choice not in harmony with the law of nature. 

If you make choices, not in harmony with the law of nature, there are going to be unnatural consequences. 

The same understanding applies to every relationship, such as your parents, friends, children, and even your pets. 

Know that you are a piece of nature, and it is really up to you how you want to design the consequences that come your way.

If you are looking for inner peace, attachment is not a choice that can take you there, freedom is.

And, you are free to make any choice you wish to.